Pretend For Eternity
by Fluffy Otters
Summary: Jacob has been left by both Bella and Nessie who had run off with Felix for some unexplainable reason. Regardless, he is...not there. Leah takes care of him and wishes that they could be together for real even if they never will be. Flashbacks of past.


Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, no matter how much we all wish we could, lol.

Author's Note: Okay, I found this depressing to write, being the Jacob/Bella fan lover that I am. But I actually wanted to write something different like Jake/Leah (of a sort) and well, this came about. I think it is good but I don't know. You tell me. Also, doesn't it seem suspicious how in Breaking Dawn everyone instantly loved Renesmee? I don't think anyone who was around her could actually hate her. I sometimes wonder if it wasn't just because of her personality or looks but because of a power that she has. I mean, certain Vamps have special powers and Renesmee was nothing else but special…everyone must love her, even as a baby…suspicious or not?

I am sorry for not writing in a long time or not updating my stories and I know you guys must be getting tired of excuses. I wish I wasn't such a procrastinator, lazy, or void of ideas (although that last one is a bane of pretty much everyone) for stories already written but I am hoping this will get me in the mood to write more and actually update my dang stories that I really want to update but don't. Some day I actually will finish a multi-chapter so when I do, it will be great. Anyhow, I hope you at least enjoy this story as much as I did (and I just spent 4 hours writing this) and hope you review and don't hold stuff against me.

He just sits there, eyes blankly staring into space, seeing into places that she could never reach him in. It was funny actually, she recognized that look. One she had worn for a long time after the break up. Even when she knew why, that Sam had been a werewolf and had imprinted on her cousin Emily, it had still hurt. She had resented them, resented Sam for doing this to her, but most of all, resented her cousin for making this happen. It was all her fault for making this happen!, she had thought and she blamed her for a long time even when she was finally starting to let go. She still had some feelings for Sam, not nearly as strong as before but she could finally look him in the face and be near him. She could remain friendly with him. And she finally started to forgive Emily, not much, but it was a little progress, quite frankly more than anyone had ever expected. People thought she would never forgive Emily, she herself had sworn never to forgive Emily. After all, a cousin who just comes waltzing in, stealing the love of your life, when he was just about to propose and marry you (a fantasy she once loved), wouldn't you hate her? She did, she hated Emily with all her being, never mind the fact that they had once almost been like sisters. Growing up, she admitted that she had always been slightly jealous of her cousin. Emily had been pretty (and still was, even with the scars running down her face), popular, adored by all, a goody-goody who always did nice things for people. She was shy, sweet, and sensitive. Everything a guy loved. Leah had been pretty as well but she had been nothing like her cousin. She had always been loud and vocal, temperamental, a wild girl. Guys had shied away from her and she had been okay. That was, until she had met Sam.

Sam had been a senior, popular among the students. He was athletic and graceful, playing a couple of sports like basketball and football. He was very intelligent as well and people had expected him to go to college, most likely on a football scholarship although his grades were well above ordinary as well, and have a successful and famous career. Everyone expected that of him and Sam had always been a man of duty. Unlike that no good deadbeat drunk father of his who had one day just disappeared, leaving Mrs. Uley all alone to raise her son all by herself. It had been a tough life, with his mother having to work multiple jobs just to be able to support them and having to leave Sam all by himself all the time. Sam had never smiled for a long time after that and he constantly pushed himself, always trying harder. But during that last year, he met Leah and things changed. They fell hard and fast in love, surprising the both of them. Sam admired Leah and Leah admired him likewise. Leah had never been one to hold back, always speaking her mind and doing what she felt like. She was fun and pretty and he loved her, a surprising thing actually. He had never expected to be able to love anyone, only his mother and even then he had been emotionally far from her and had rarely seen her. Leah made something in him free and he actually smiled and had fun. He gave up the scholarship to the disappointment of all his teachers and classmates, and for once, he hadn't cared. He stayed on, waiting for Leah to graduate so they could be together.

And then it all fell apart. He started feeling ill, his stomach always feeling like it was in knots and his head pounding like there was something drilling into his skull. Then other weird physical changes occurred. He grew even taller, at an extreme rate. It almost was like he had been growing a couple inches everyday. He actually had, in fact. He started to measure after the first few days, after realizing something had been happening. He hurt as his bones and tendons adjusted to his new height and his already huge body that he had prized, when he had been playing sports working on that scholarship out of there, exploded out even more at an almost inhuman pace. But finally one day, the scariest thing of all happened. Mr. Levi Uley, Sam's good for nothing dad, came back. Sam saw him and recognized him, the man in the photograph that his mother had always cried over, the one who abandoned him and left them to rot, forcing his mother to work multiple jobs just to support them. He was robbed of his mother and a normal life because of him. Sam finally exploded, the anger, hatred, and pain that he had unknowingly carried in him all his life released out, all focused on Mr. Uley. Sam became a wolf and attacked him, ripping him to pieces where he stood. In an automatic and detached state, he had changed back and went home, promptly forgetting the experience and only thinking he had hallucinated the whole thing.

Soon after that incident, very soon ironically, Emily came into his life. Emily had been coming over to visit her cousin Leah for the weekend and they had been getting ready to go out shopping, the sport of many females' choice. Sam had been coming to wish Leah luck, and to tell her he had a surprise waiting for her when he got back. But when he saw Emily come out of that car, he forgot all about Leah. He forgot about everything. All he could see, smell, hear, and feel was this girl. She seemed bathed in a holy light and everything just faded into the background around her. She was the only thing that mattered to him, the only thing that could. He could almost hear that cliché angel harp music that people say they hear when they meet "the one" in tv shows. Anyhow, he just fell for her hard and then it all came rushing back when he saw Leah coming out. He was instantly hit by a wave of guilt. What had just happened? He loved Leah and now here he was, drooling over her cousin Emily. It wasn't right. He ran off without saying a word, the two girls just watching him go in confusion.

But in a short amount of time, a devastatingly short amount of time, about a few hours actually, he came back. Something just kept tugging at him, pulling him back. He wanted to see Emily again; no he NEEDED to see Emily again. All his thoughts swirled around her and he kept seeing her image everywhere. Those beautiful caring brown eyes, the long luscious black hair, the beautiful smile, those soft kissable lips…it was driving him insane. He held out as long as he could, trying to think of Leah and how much he loved her, but in the end he couldn't and Emily swamped over him again. So he ran back. He saw Emily walking alone into the woods, going for an evening stroll enjoying nature. He followed closely behind her until they reached a clearing where she turned around and called out-

"I know you're there, you can come out now!"

-and he shyly came out, surprised that he had been caught so easily. He thought she hadn't noticed him and that he had been walking silent and unheard. He had been, but Emily felt his presence their like a tickling in her mind, not that she ever told him that. Appraising him, she raised her eyebrows and smiled. He was absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous and she could not take her eyes off him. He seemed to tower over and dominate everything with his sheer presence. This must be the Sam Uley her cousin had been talking about. He was even more amazing in person and Emily was surprised to find herself wanting him, wanting him more than anything. And she felt guilty about it because he was Leah's. She felt herself getting jealous, an unusual reaction in the loving Emily. Why did Leah have to have him anyway? Sam was so much nicer and hardworking than Leah was. She had only heard stories about him but even then, he had been wonderful. Leah didn't deserve him. Emily, pushing down feelings of disease and the betrayal of her cousin, engaged Sam in conversation. Suddenly they found themselves kissing, their hands roaming over each other's bodies. Emily forgot everything but Sam and Sam did likewise but in that case Emily. When they slowed down and time returned back to normal and Sam back to his senses, he realized he was holding a much disheveled Emily Young and he had betrayed Leah, kissing and loving someone else. In shock, he felt himself change as if in a dream, his body sprouting fur and claws, his nose turning into a muzzle and sharp fangs jutting out. He swiped at Emily, raking his claws across her face as he ran, ran away howling his guilt and disgust with himself over it all following him as Emily fainted, her once beautiful face forever marked, on the ground until a later hiker found her their and called 911.

Leah sighed, staring at the man before her who still was far away from the living, only his very shallow breathing gave away that he was even still alive. He was no Sam but he was all she had. Only they understood each other. None of the others understood. They all chided them, telling them to move on and get over it. Leah knew that there really was no just getting over heartbreak. And the sad thing was, he was probably the worse one off now. Sam had been amazing, she loved him and been jealous that Emily was the one for him. But she could see it now. She had been all wrong for Sam, no matter how much she sometimes hated that. Emily was good, much better than she would have been. She was like the Pack's mother, always taking care of them and worrying for them. She actually could have children like Sam wanted. Leah couldn't ever; she had long ago learned that she was barren and unable to ever have any child. Sam said he didn't care, and consciously it might have been true, but she noticed that Sam really did, even when he said he didn't. And that always bothered her. Emily was perfect for Sam in so many other ways and Leah sadly realized that it had really been for the best. But she railed against it as hard as she could, always complaining and bothering everyone. Because she could not bear it, watching them together, it broke her apart more and more every time she had watched. But now she could tolerate them. Somewhat. She could almost feel happy for Sam and Emily now, since there was no reason for jealousy anymore. She felt something for someone else. Although she did have to admit it was ironic, seeing as he could never feel the same way. He was a broken soul, shattered beyond any repair, cursed to forever remain immortal. Even now, he longed for them even if they didn't want him.

It all started with Bella. Bella was, as far as Leah could see, a rather average ordinary 17 year old girl. She could not see anything special about Bella. Bella was quiet, shy, reserved, pretty enough but not altogether an out of the ordinary kind of beauty, and very, very clumsy. How that girl had ever survived on her own, Leah had absolutely no clue. Bella could fall over almost anything and was rather needy, in Leah's opinion. The girl fell in love with a vampire, and when the vampire left, Bella set her eyes on Jacob Black who had all been too willing to be with her. Jacob had always thought the world of her, for whatever odd reason, and he wanted to be with her. At that time, Jacob had just been an ordinary 15 year old boy with a major crush. Bella used him, enjoying his company while all the while moping over her lost vampire. It still blew Leah's mind. She understood full well losing a loved one but a vampire? One who had only been using her and never loved her (what he said)? One who only desired her for her blood and maybe a little fooling around but never meant all that much to him? And then Bella started being a little too friendly with Jacob, encouraging him far too much and then crushing him when she left to wherever to save her vampire. Jacob had been devastated; Bella left him to save a vampire, his mortal enemy and the one who had ruined Bella in the first place?! But even that did not extinguish Jacob's love for her. If only it had as it would have saved what happened later.

Bella did not leave Jacob alone. She made her choice and she still bothered him so much that Jacob had to come back to be her "friend". The selfish twit didn't even realize that Jacob was in love with her and hurting because she loved someone else or she didn't care, wanting him for herself anyway even if she had no intention of ever returning the feelings. But Jacob had always been a sucker for that and returned, even against all the advice of his packmates, that she would only hurt him again. He had it fixed in his mind that she loved him and would eventually realize it and dump the bloodsucker. As if. Bella continued to further use him, stringing him along, making him think she loved him. And she might have. But it was never enough, nothing was for that girl. She only wanted Edward and she married him, pushing Jake nearly over the edge, causing him to run away for a long time, only reluctantly returning because everyone missed him and *surprise surprise* he loved Bella and Bella had been 'hurting' frantically checking for him. He may have even had some delusional fantasies of Bella divorcing Edward and returning back to him and Bella wasn't all that effective of dissuading that, especially when she was pregnant with that demon Renesmee and nearly dying. Even then she was tempting Jake and pushing him aside like nothing. Then Renesmee came and Bella died.

The pregnancy killed Bella, forcing them to do an emergency transformation of her into a vampire. Jacob was enraged and planned an attack against the Cullens. But something happened, something that had surprisingly upset Leah although at the time she didn't understand the reason why. Jacob imprinted on the baby Renesmee. It surprised Leah and she felt heartbroken for some reason and she only later realized why. She had been falling for Jacob. When Jacob wasn't obsessing over Bella, Jacob was a pretty cool guy. He wasn't at all annoying or childish like Leah used to think he was. He was actually really mature and…hot. Leah could not help but look at him whenever Jacob wasn't looking although when she was caught, Jacob didn't realize what she had been doing. He started complaining about Bella. As if she cared about Bella but she realized how sweet and caring Jacob was. She wished he had been that way to her, Jacob hated her, they all did now. But that did not change how she felt for him, although she had to pretend to hate him back, what blasphemy!, since he didn't even like her. That bloodsucker had nothing on Jacob, he smelled, was cold and unnatural, and was very annoying and arrogant, thinking he was better than everyone else. He also had an annoying habit of reading people's mind and he was controlling and very, very possessive. Plus, he was a creeper. What did Bella see in him? Anyhow, Bella chose Edward over Jacob. She would have been cheering for that if it did not hurt Jacob so much all the time. But watching him in pain almost made her wish that Bella did choose Jacob, if only because he would have been happy. If he was happy, then she was happy too, even if Jacob did not realize it. Unrequited love sucks.

But Jacob then imprinted on that bloodsucker baby Renesmee. It had been a blow to Leah, watching the joy on Jacob's face as he was with the little monster. She may have been happy, possibly, had Jacob been with someone else but it had to be someone he loved, not someone picked for him by some strange imprinting magic, the same type that ruined her. And he had to imprint on her. Renesmee was too darn cute and adorable, she hated it. Jacob was worse than an overprotective mother and Leah gave up all hope of ever having him, content to love him from afar as that was as close as she could ever get, even before the imprint. She had to admit, she had liked Renesmee, for a few years. There was just something about her that just forces someone to love her, now that she thought about it, it was a little unnatural. And Renesmee was so perfect. So smart and coldly intelligent. Even as a baby she could talk in complete sophisticated sentences and read advanced level books. The Cullens and everyone spoiled her rotten, always getting her way. Jake was the worst, he couldn't ever hold anything back from her. No one could see how selfish and shallow the girl had been, being given everything she wanted, and when she wasn't, she had her own personal slave willing to get it for her. Renesmee should have died, before she ever existed. She broke all their hearts, leaving the Cullens for the Volturi because 'she was more appreciated and useful over there' and running off with that big fellow, Felix or somebody. She had to admit the looks on the Cullen's faces were pure comedy gold, she never did get over her dislike of them entirely even as she hung out over their (mainly for Esme, Dr. Cullen, and Jake, she frankly hated everyone else, especially Edward and Bella), but it was essentially a knife in the heart, worse actually. He was her imprint, maybe although Leah did wonder now, and it was a death sentence. He was shattered, broken. He was no longer the same and Leah hated them. It was all Renesmee's fault and by extension, the Cullens because they were the ones who had let this happen by spoiling her, and herself for not realizing the danger Renesmee had posed and by being taken in just as much as everyone else. If only…but even if she did, no one would have believed her and worse, Jacob would have hated her even more. She could not have handled that.

Sighing again, Leah wrapped her arms around him, his skin seemingly cold compared to the warm blaze that he should have. He just sat their, unresponsive, still staring into space as he visited his Bells and Nessie in another place and time. The only times he seemed to respond to anything was when Leah loved him in intimate contact. Otherwise, he was gone from the world, the life in him almost drained out entirely and she wondered if it would not be kinder to sever the last connection but she couldn't. Because he needed her and she needed him. She hated them, the two who caused this and once again wished that she could have had a chance to love him where he would see her for her but he was too broken. They both were. She ran her hands through his hair, feeling Jacob respond slightly. She lowered her mouth to his and kissed him passionately, trying to convey her very soul to him. It made little difference, just like the other times. But at least she could still pretend. They both could. Pretend to be with the one they wanted while in reality being broken, forever.


End file.
